Ode to Johnny Kroeker and the liminal people (Part I)

Since I moved to Wolseley several months ago, I have been walking down Broadway almost everyday to get to and from work. This routine has produced a cast of regular characters. Here are the first four of my top five:

1. ‘The guy with the bowler hat’ – Although I haven’t seen him for several weeks, there is a man, probably about my age, who walks down Broadway in a trench coat and a bowler hat, and never, ever, smiles. He’s kind of a legend at my office, as I assume he is at every office on Broadway, although I don’t think anyone from my office has ever spoken to him.

2. ‘Blue helmet bicycle man’ – Blue helmet bicycle man is one of my favourites. When I pass him, he is usually riding an old bicycle and wearing (you guessed it) a bright blue helmet. In the last couple of months, our interactions have progressed from little smiles, to big smiles, to full-on “good morning” greetings. It’s a strange but happy interaction; I have a real soft spot for this guy, maybe just because he rides a bicycle.

3. ‘Creepy jogger’ – Apart from the jogging attire, Creepy jogger looks like a pretty normal old guy; his actions, however, suggest otherwise. Usually he’s sitting on a bench or leaning against some building on Broadway when I pass him. Perhaps a retired football coach or wannabe, Creepy jogger likes to take the opportunity as I pass by to encourage me with a thumbs-up. This might make sense if I was jogging by, training for a marathon or something, but the encouragement seems to be for something else: “Good work. Lookin’ good, baby. Lookin’ real good….” Thanks, I try (!?).

4. ‘Mr. Profanity’ – The first few times I saw this man, he made me a little nervous. Always riding a bicycle and wearing a beige jacket with a bright orange anarchy symbol spray-painted on the back, Mr. Profanity is a regular on my walk to work. His classic move includes biking slowly (even peacefully) down the sidewalk for about half a block, then getting off his bicycle, and swearing profusely for about 30 seconds while shaking his fist violently at what can only be described as thin air. Then, as if nothing happened, Mr. Profanity will climb back onto his bike and repeat the process. I am convinced, after witnessing this action for a few weeks, that even when it appears that Mr. Profanity is swearing at someone (or following them) it is actually pure coincidence, that one of his swearing outbreaks has just happened in close proximity to a human being. I can only assume that he is actually completely oblivious to everyone around him. But I must admit that now that I’m no longer afraid of him, I do laugh a little bit to myself when one of his dismounts takes place near some unsuspecting person who can’t help but scurry down the sidewalk in terror when his string of vulgarities begins.

Honourable Mention: ‘Dwight Schrute’ – With only one sighting, this guy can’t legitimately be on my cast of regular characters, but I wish he was. In my one sighting, I was not able to determine whether this man was actually Dwight or just his doppelganger, but either way, I thought all my wildest dreams were coming true. I have been nothing short of heartbroken everyday, since then, that I haven’t seen him.